It's been a long week for me. There's not been much time to do creative things in that time, probably because my mind has been completely wrapped around other, vastly more important, things.
On July 16, my 84-year-old mother passed away. There's a cliche that normally bounces around in many situation such as these wherein folks say "Well, it was a blessing." In this case, yes, it was a blessing. Mother had been afflicted with a chronic illness most of her life. In fact, when I was five years old, I was told my mother would be dead before I was 10. I'm 52 now, so that just goes to show you that doctors don't always know everything, or even much, and frequently zero in on the negative, rather than the positive.
But that's another blog for another time.
Mother went to the hospital by ambulance on July 13. After that, she was unable to move, either on her own or with the help of nurses, without screaming in pain. She was receiving copious pain shots, pills and other forms of relief, but to little or no avail. Over the course of the ensuing few days, she became weak, unable (or unwilling) to eat and by Thursday, it was obvious she was ready to go. She had even told some of us that she'd seen my dad and her sister, another sign that the end was at hand.
Because she was in such pain, it indeed was the proverbial 'blessing'.
However, it is better to look back on a life that was lived so openly and so obviously to its fullest. And lived despite pain and despair and disappointment that came with. She never lost her faith and always tried to see the good in people and in every situation.
As for me, I will miss her, even though we had out 'moments' (mothers and daughters usually do), and it will take me some time to feel as if I'm back in a 'normal' frame of mind.
I deeply appreciated all the kind words of condolence and the show of support given to me and my family by other family members and friends--some who didn't even know mother, but knew the pain I and others were (and are) going through. I will try to forgive those that, by their actions of late, have shown that they are only fair weather 'friends' and couldn't see their way clear to call, write a note, pay a visit or even, probably, think about us. Eventually I will be able to forgive that, hoping such people just are unable to understand true friendship and true caring.
Forgiveness is admittedly difficult for me, but for the memory of my mother, my father, my brother, my sister and my son, I'll do it. And do it gladly. There really isn't much to be gained by doing other wise!
Mother would've wanted it that way.